Will There Ever Be....

October 19, 2010

...a time in my life that I don't worry?! 
Sorry I haven't blogged for quite awhile.  Matt and I have been busy going out of town to Lancaster and to visit my family (which was great).  That, in addition to not having much to say and feeling down, has made me stay away from blogging. 
Yep- another frustrating blog about my life.  Honestly, it's not that wonderful right now.  At least not in the job aspect.  In the family, friends and relationship parts I am BEYOND blessed for sure.  But I just can't stop worrying about getting a job, how will I pay next month's bills, where will I be a month from now and SO much more.  I worry about so many things: stupid/petty things, legit things.. but what good does it do?  None!  As much as I know that, I worry anyway because I simply cannot help it.  Besides, how could I NOT worry about being unemployed???  I'm literally sick with worry and sometimes it just overwhelmes me so much that I cry.  Whether by myself or during a nice conversation with Matt. 
I have a few jobs that I've gotten calls or email from... but I'm forced to sit back and wait for these people to get back to me.  And up to now- no one has, and when I do hear back it's 'We found someone else better suited.'  It's wearing me down and I'm not sure how much more I can take.  Sure, I am freelancing for Matt & his company in DC and I LOVE it.  It makes me love the industry I'm in more, and I'm blessed to be doing that at least, but it's not steady and I don't see a paycheck for a month after I work.  I have yet to see a paycheck.  It's just all getting very hard. 
Again, this all begs the question: Will there ever be a time in my life where I don't worry (as much) about a job or money, or about silly things?  I certainly don't think I'll be so rich I won't need to worry at all, and I'm okay with that.  I'm used to living frugally.  But- will I ever get to a much more secure point?  Hopefully, I'll get some good news on the job front soon... to start toward that life.

No comments

Post a Comment

Thank you for reading and taking the time to send a message. xoxo