Praying I Made The Right Decision

October 28, 2010

So it's Thursday and a lot has happened in two days.  Yesterday, I got to freelance at HUD so I was up early with Matt.  Turns out, I didn't have much to do since freelancers were overbooked.  So I got paid to wrap cable and work lights for 2 interviews.  I got to watch a taping with the Secretary of HUD, who was a very nice man.  He walked in and said hi to me then got right to work.  He was also a very good speaker -- as one has to be in that position.  It was a very long day but I had fun!
Today, I'm kind of happy to report I have a job.  By kind of, I mean that I'm not sure if I should do it... yet I need a job.  It's still a freelancing position which come tax time will have me paying waaay more -- with money I don't have.  I won't get into many details but the job is only $8/hour, 4-5 days/week and some weekends from 4am-12:30pm.  Also, since it's so early I have to drive there because public transportation doesn't run so early... and parking is $65/month.  There are a lot of cons and not very many pros... except the fact that it could help me get a full time job there.  While I won't be making and saving very much money, I'm doing it to have more of a regular job, get experience and (more importantly) "my foot in the door" -- as they say in the TV biz. 
Those I've talked to say I'm definitely over-qualified to do this job, but what's a step back if it helps me get 20 steps ahead with a full-time job?  Of course, who knows how long that'll take, or if it ever happens.  I interviewed for two open positions -- so there could be a good chance right now to move up.  I'm just praying I made the right decision and that it lands me a full time job in the near future.  While I have a job, there's still a lot of IF's and unknowns which make me nervous.  In the meantime - I will continue job searching to keep my options open!  Pray for me!

No Matter What

October 26, 2010

It's one of those weeks again... where I'm finding myself in a zombie-like state.  Just going through the motions of job searching and not getting any solid leads.  Freelancing is fun and it's better than making NO money at all, but it just can't support me for an extended amount of time.  Matt is also having money problems, and the fact that I can't pay any bills to help is eating me alive. 
My Aunt sent me an email last week with the lyrics to a new song she really likes.  I've watched the youtube video and it's saved in my favorites.  It's called "No Matter What" and it is about heartache we experience and no matter what I'm going to put my trust and hope in the Lord.  I'm desperately trying to do that and remember no matter what: this can't last forever, it's happening for a reason, life could be a lot worse, and God doesn't give us anything we can't handle... with Him along the journey.
Check out the video, and read each word carefully.  I hope you enjoy it, and thanks Aunt Meghan for sending it to me!

Kerrie Roberts ~ "No Matter What"

A Very Random Friday

October 22, 2010

I am on the clouds tonight... because I had such a great day!!  Let me tell you why......
It all started when I woke up at 7am tooo nervous/anxious for a job interview.  I was up early enough to get ready without rushing, put my outfit together the night before.. prayed before I left at 8:30am. 
I took the bus to the Silver Spring metro stop and after a text (or several) to Matt making sure I was going the right way (can't be too sure!) I was off to Metro Station to transfer lines.  It really is simple getting to places using the Metro.. it's a very easy system and I had no problems!  I transferred to the Orange line.. waiting for my stop when a nice man talked to me.  We talked about getting off at the wrong stop, which neither of us wanted to do.  I was happy to know there are nice people still out there, haha.
So once I leave the metro, I see my destination: ABC7 in Virginia.  Huge 27-story building with a big news ticker whom the assistant news director said I'd have NO trouble finding.  (I felt like saying.. you don't know how I am with directions.. but trusted her)  I look at the clock: 10am.  I'm an HOUR early to my interview.. which is better than an hour late.  So I sat at a nearby table looking over my notes and praying more.
Upon waiting in the lobby, I ran into David Archuleta (from American Idol!) and the President of the FCC - which was pretty neat.  Then during my interview, Bill Nye the Science Guy walked by!  I used to watch his show everyday!  After my interview ended at 2 (!) I met Matt and HUD while he finished up work and we made our way home together. :)
It was so cool to see the area, celebs and not the apartment walls.  Oh yeah- and my interview went pretty well I think.  Time will tell -- and more prayers in the meantime!  I so hope it works out, the station and area was awesome and I would love working there.  I also talked about Freelancing for them as well, and it looks promising.  Today ended up being random, yet planned.  I met nice people, had a job interview and everything just made me smile.  I haven't felt this in a while, and I hope it continues. 
In the meantime: another freelancing gig tomorrow at 1... a Gloria Gaither concert at the Ritz Carlton!  Fancy schmancy! :)  Tootles!

You'll Want to Dance to This

October 21, 2010

I am a HUGE fan of Will Smith and recently saw the whole family on Oprah.  The kids are adorable.. and they just have it all together, I love it!!  Will and Jada's daughter, Willow, has begun a singing career & I think she's so cool!  She just debuted her first song and video "Whip My Hair" and it makes me want to dance.  It's so funky, fresh and fun-- I love it!  Enjoy :)

Willow Smith- "Whip My Hair"


October 20, 2010

So, I figured I'd blog today about where I sit in my current job search.  I realized I keep up with a lot of websites that post jobs and write down every job I apply to.  As a way to help others who are unemployed- and something I'll be able to read in the (hopefully near) future & remember this rough time.... while I'm at work ;) 

Websites I use daily:

Total number of jobs applied to: 41
Total number of rejection replies: 9

I was never very good at math, but my calculations tell me I have 32 more chances to hear some good news.  The question is: How many of those 32 will never get back to me?....

Will There Ever Be....

October 19, 2010

...a time in my life that I don't worry?! 
Sorry I haven't blogged for quite awhile.  Matt and I have been busy going out of town to Lancaster and to visit my family (which was great).  That, in addition to not having much to say and feeling down, has made me stay away from blogging. 
Yep- another frustrating blog about my life.  Honestly, it's not that wonderful right now.  At least not in the job aspect.  In the family, friends and relationship parts I am BEYOND blessed for sure.  But I just can't stop worrying about getting a job, how will I pay next month's bills, where will I be a month from now and SO much more.  I worry about so many things: stupid/petty things, legit things.. but what good does it do?  None!  As much as I know that, I worry anyway because I simply cannot help it.  Besides, how could I NOT worry about being unemployed???  I'm literally sick with worry and sometimes it just overwhelmes me so much that I cry.  Whether by myself or during a nice conversation with Matt. 
I have a few jobs that I've gotten calls or email from... but I'm forced to sit back and wait for these people to get back to me.  And up to now- no one has, and when I do hear back it's 'We found someone else better suited.'  It's wearing me down and I'm not sure how much more I can take.  Sure, I am freelancing for Matt & his company in DC and I LOVE it.  It makes me love the industry I'm in more, and I'm blessed to be doing that at least, but it's not steady and I don't see a paycheck for a month after I work.  I have yet to see a paycheck.  It's just all getting very hard. 
Again, this all begs the question: Will there ever be a time in my life where I don't worry (as much) about a job or money, or about silly things?  I certainly don't think I'll be so rich I won't need to worry at all, and I'm okay with that.  I'm used to living frugally.  But- will I ever get to a much more secure point?  Hopefully, I'll get some good news on the job front soon... to start toward that life.

Proverbs 7~day 7

October 7, 2010

Another chapter of adultery: this time aimed at the adultress.
The apple of your eye.
^ an Old English expression for the eye's center, or pupil.  The whole body is tuned to protect that pupil from harm: eyelids reflexively snap shut at the slightest hint of danger; tear ducts bathe your eye with a cleansing liquid if any irritant enters; nerve endings scream "danger" at the slightest pain or pressure.  Proverbs urges us to take as much care of its teachings as you do of your eye.

Proverbs 6~day 6

This chapter shows the danger in debt.  "My son, if you have put up security for your neighbor, if you have struck hands in pledge for another, if you have been trapped by what you said, ensnared by the words of your mouth, then do this, my son, to free yourself, since you have fallen into your neighbor's hands: Go and humble yourself; press your plea with your neighbor!" (v. 1-3)
The little box in my Bible explains this chapter by saying Proverbs supports generosity, but not openended charity in which the amount you must give and the timing are determined by circumstances beyond your control.  Too often it leads to disaster. 
I had never thought about this before but it goes to show you have to be careful in everday life.  I'm a trusting person, which could be a bad thing.  We all need to just be cautious in generosity and helping people.

Proverbs 5~day 5

Warning against adultery:  "My son, pay attention to my wisdom, listen well to my words of insight, that you may maintain discretion and your lips may preserve knowledge.  For the lips of an adulteress drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil; but in the end she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword.  Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave.  She gives no thought to the way of life; her paths are crooked, but she knows it not." (v. 1-6) 
I think those verses speak for what the fifth chapter is about.  How evil and no good adultery is in one's life.  I've seen so many times the lives of people thrown upside down due to this act.  We see it everywhere: celebrities being cheated on, countless politicians, maybe you or someone you personally know has gone through it.  I can sit here and say that I don't know what it's like to go through such heartbreak, but I have seen it happen to the lives of celebs and many others in the public eye.  My heart broke for Sandra Bullock when it came out her scum of a husband cheated, and for Elizabeth Edwards when she found out her husband did the same and even fathered a child.  (I watched the Oprah episode about Elizabeth's story and I couldn't stop crying) 
My heart goes out to those who've gone through it -- and for those who don't know about it.  I just cannot believe that anyone could do such a horrible thing to their loved one.  I've thought a lot about what I'd do.  And to this day, I don't know.  I am all about forgiveness, and God says we should forgive, but at the same time I wouldn't be able to trust that person again.  It's a shame we all see stories, or experience it at all. 
"For a man's ways are in full view of the Lord, and He examines all his paths.  The evil deeds of a wicked man ensnare him; the cords of his sin hold him fast.  He will die for lack of discipline, led astray by his own great folly." (v. 21-23)

Proverbs 4~day 4

October 4, 2010

In chapter 4, wisdom is supreme.  The words reiterate the previous chapters by helping us remember that God is in control and is our teacher.  "I give you sound learning, so do not forsake my teaching." (v. 2)  In this chapter, this father tries to help his son develop a love for the best things in life- just as his father did for him.  This love for the best- and most of all for wisdom- begins with listening to your father's advice.  "My son, pay attention to what I say; listen closely to my words.  Do not let them out of your sign, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to a man's whole body." (v. 20-22) 
Since it's now further in the book of Proverbs- and every chapter reflects the importance of keeping away from evil and on the right path- it makes me think that this is a very important matter not to be taken lightly.  It is written and told many different times so we understand and, perhaps more importantly, never forget.  In this world, there is so much evil: actions, words, people.. you name it.  And it is easy for one to stray off the perfect path that God has for us.  We need to stay strong in the Lord, remember his teachings and know He is in control.  He knows what is best (and not so good) for us.  Whether it be a friend, situation or job.

Proverbs 3~day 3

This chapter has one of my favorite verses in it:  "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight." (v. 5,6)  I think these two verses really sum up this chapter: the benefits of wisdom and walking down the right path.  There is a whole list of more things to do and not do: "fear the Lord and shun evil" (v.7), 'honor the Lord with your wealth' (v.9) 'do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act' (v. 27)
All these verses and more are so great to read over.  It could be a lot to take in and remember, but that is why we keep reading.  So we remember His words and put them to use in our own lives.  The first verse I mentioned I really needed to be reminded of.  Such simple words- yet they're so powerful and filled with so much promise.  If we simply trust in Him with our whole heart, realize He is 100% in control and in all our ways acknowledge Him, He will lead us down the most amazing path in life! 
In a matter of a few hours this morning after I work up, I got three job rejection e-mails from places I have (and have not) interviewed at.  I am getting incredibly discouraged and each e-mail I get knocks me down another notch into sadness and despair.  I need to keep in mind everyday- especially at this point in my life- that God is in control.  He knows what and where I'll be and what's best for me.  There must be some very good reasons I haven't gotten a job yet (I hope!) but I do know, financially, it can't last much longer.  I will do my best to remember those verses and keep praying I find a job here that I love.  God will provide!

Proverbs 2~day 2

The second chapter of Proverbs gives us reasons as to the moral benefits of wisdom.  "If we accept his words, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God" (v. 5)  Just by knowing, accepting and living by His wisdom, we know what is good and right... and stay away from what is evil and will hurt us.  "For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul.  Discretion will protect you, and understand will guard you." (v. 10,11)  The chapter goes on to explain wisdom and knowledge will save us from the ways of wicked men, those whose paths are crooked, adulteress and all the others that are on a wayward path.  I'm sure we can all think of someone who is on a wayward path.  We must avoid those people and paths, so we can "walk in the ways of good men and keep to the paths of the righteous." (v.20)
Thinking about the negative people in our lives, not many come to mind in mine.  Now, rewind back to about 3+ years ago when I was in college and MANY were on my list.  However, then I focused on my school work and more importantly when it was time to have fun.  That fun only lasted a short time and some people I began to be around were making things worse.  Looking back, I was blinded and believed people were my friends when they were poison to me, my decisions and life.  Not too long after I graduated, I did some 'weeding' -- as I like to call it.  Just like in a real garden, you weed to get the negative/ugly plants out of the area so the flowers can bloom to their full beautiful potential... I had to do 'weeding' of my own and let go of those who were nothing but a negative influence on me and the decisions I made each day.  I believe sometimes in life, you need to do that.  I can honestly say I haven't been happier and lived a better life since I made that decision.

Proverbs 1~day 1

October 1, 2010

I need some stability in my life.  Something that I can do daily to make myself feel calm, understand God more and maybe figure out His direction for my life.  I have really been stressing over my unemployment, and getting rejection emails from jobs I applied to doesn't help.
But, I received an event invitation last night on Facebook, from my Aunt and I believe it was perfect timing.  It's a month-long Bible adventure: to read the book of Proverbs all through October.  It couldn't be more perfect: 31 days in the month, 31 chapters in the book, 31 days for me to really open my heart and give everything to Him.  Last night before bed, after deciding I'm doing this challenge, I wondered how I can keep record of each day and what the words teach me.  After thinking of writing in my dusty journal, I thought there has to be a better way.  Then I realized, Duh!, you have a blog!  So I'm going to write my thoughts down about each chapter: verses that stand out to me, lessons I learn, things to remember and pass on to those who read this.  I really hope you'll continue to follow my blog.  So, here it is....

Day 1: Proverbs Chapter 1
I love how right away in verse 1 is the purpose of why Proverbs was written: "for the wise to listen and add to their learning, the discerning get guidance" (v. 5) but also "for attaining wisdom and discipline for understanding words of insight" (v.2).  Right away, I realize I need to do this!!  I need wisdom and discipline in my life. 
The chapter goes on to warn against sinners enticing us, swallowing us alive.  "My son, do not go along with them, do not set foot on their paths; for their feet rush into sin, they are swift to shed blood" (v. 15-16)  This is powerful and something we all need to be reminded of.  Whether sinners entice us to say words, rumors or to take action in hurting another human being.. we need to stand up for what we believe in and who we are.  We are children of God - who will never forsake nor leave us!  Something I forget all too often.  He is with us where ever we go, whatever we do. 
Verse 20 begins a warning against rejecting wisdom: "Wisdom calls aloud in the street, she raises her voice in the public squares... How long will you simple ones love your simple ways? (v. 20, 22)  And a warning to those to reject Him: "I in turn will laugh at your disaster; I will mock when calamity overtakes you -- when calamity overtakes you like a storm, when disaster sweeps over you like a whirlwind, when distress and trouble overwhelm you." (v. 26-27)  God says He will not answer when called upon since those who chose to not accept his advice turned their backs - "they will eat the fruit of their ways" (v. 31) 
We all need to revel in the wisdom and wrath of God - for both are powerful.  I'm thinking a lot about my life now and I see that I need this more than ever.  To go through this powerful book and listen to the teachings and lessons.  I've been feeling a lot of distress and trouble with not being able to get a job.  Daily. 
"But whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm" (v. 33)  I'm listening, God, and I can't wait to hear what you have to say this month!